Good morning everyone! I hope your day is off to a great start. It is True Love Tuesday here at the lake. The new year has not yet begun and we have two inquiries about weddings! I am so excited. I hope we are able to book them. I am looking forward to a great year of weddings.
My good friend Steph, over at Burbs to Boonies, responded to my I Will Be Here, Will You? post. In her comments she said that one thing she would like to see is more about successful marriages. As I have thought about that, I came up with the idea of interviewing couples who have been married for various lengths of time, starting with newlyweds and progressing to folks who have been married for 50, 60, or more years.
|Courtesy of Ambro at Free Digital Photos|
As it happens, we had the pleasure of having an open house here for a newly married couple this past weekend. They are young and so very in love. They are absolutely adorable. I will show you some pictures and you can judge for yourself. I have known the bride for about 2 years now. She and her brother, Brandon, were very helpful to me in getting the Bed and Breakfast ready for our grand opening.
I managed to corral the couple for a few moments and start to interview them about their courtship, proposal, wedding day, and hopes and dreams for the future. However, we were interrupted by the arrival of more guests and have postponed the interview until this evening. I am very much looking forward to continuing our interview and will share it with you next Tuesday.
Since, we don’t have the interview yet, I want to explain a bit more about this project. Let me begin by telling you a little bit about my marriage. My husband and I come from totally different backgrounds. His was a stable environment. His parents had been married only once and were truly deeply in love with one another. I don’t ever remember either of them saying a cross word to the other. My parents divorced when I was very young, and they both remarried multiple times. My mother and father lost track of each other after the divorce and I didn’t see my father again until I was in my mid-thirties. That is another story I can tell you some time.
My husband and I married in 1970. Coming off of the ’60’s, it was a time when folks thought about marriage as though they were going steady. The general consensus of many of our friends was that they would get married and if it didn’t work out they would get a divorce. Although we came from totally different backgrounds, and because of the influence of those backgrounds, we had a different attitude. Our attitude was that if it didn’t work, we would find out what was wrong and fix it! I guess today you would call that commitment. We were committed not only to each other but to the marriage.
My mother worked with a dear sweet lady named Fern. She was an older woman and before our wedding she said to me, “Honey, everyone is going to tell you that marriage is a 50-50 proposition. Don’t you believe it. If you aren’t willing to give 100%, it isn’t going to work.” I have never forgotten her counsel. And, I have always tried to live by it. I think those were probably the most important words I ever heard about making a marriage last.
Has it always been pretty – No. Like every couple, we have had our ups and downs. But we manage to keep the bigger picture in view. I truly believe you should never go to bed angry with one another. I actually like to hold hands while we fall asleep. If you are angry, you probably aren’t seeking out the other person’s hand before going to sleep.
Another factor that has actually been in our favor is my husband’s work schedule. He has often worked away from home for long periods of time. You may wonder how that helps. Honestly, when your time with each other is limited, you don’t want to spend it fighting or arguing.
My husband has always respected me and has never tried to stifle or control me. I have always respected him and I truly want him to be happy. He has always been my ‘rock’.
I believe that one thing that hurts relationships is when the couples are growing at different speeds. One is interested in growing and the other isn’t. That can be a difficult issue to deal with. We graduated from high school and went right into the work force. However, a few years later, we both went back to school. We have both always believed in improving our minds and our knowledge. That has served us well.
Let’s talk about divorce for a moment. According to the ‘Encyclopedia of Psychology”,