Welcome to Wired Wednesday! It is possible that I may have to change my posting schedule for a while in order to accommodate the series on True Love. I haven’t told all of you this, but I plan to write and publish a book using the interviews that I am conducting as a foundation for the book.
Conducting the research for the book takes a good deal of time and I haven’t had as much time for making jewelry lately. However, I think that the series and book are very important. I am hoping that the book, if successful, will help couples who may be struggling and considering separating or divorcing as an option. Also, I hope it will give hope to those who fear that there really is no such thing as a happy marriage. Maybe they haven’t had a good example in their own life. Maybe they have seen too many other marriages end unhappily. For whatever reason, they just aren’t sure that the dream is possible.
So many couples go into marriage without a good understanding of themselves, the person they are marrying, or the fact that marriage requires work. I would very much like to offer folks the tools and understanding to help them create a happy, successful marriage.
For a number of years, I taught Team Building classes to companies and organizations. One of the goals in that process was to help people understand one another. With understanding comes compassion, empathy and a desire to serve one another. So it is with marriage. As we truly understand our companion, how they think, how they process information, and their innate personality traits, we can change the level of our communication with them. As we understand them better, it changes how we are effected by their words or actions. As our response changes, so does theirs.
My husband and I had been married for probably close to 25 years when we took our first personality profiles. Wow. It was amazing to learn so much about myself and about him. I tend to be a very sensitive, emotional individual. Not so my husband. Many times in our life he would be doing something and I would speak to him. Perhaps I asked a question, to which I received no response. I began to take it personally, thinking that he just didn’t want to talk to me but not understanding what I had done to elicit such a response, or better yet, a non-response.
Once we took the profiles I realized that he is not a multi-tasking person. The fact of the matter was that he simply couldn’t hear me when he was doing something else, whether that something else was reading or just thinking about something. I could ask him questions until the cows came home and it wouldn’t have made any difference. But it was not anything personal towards me. He simply is very singularly focused. Why hadn’t I figured that out before then? Probably because I was too busy taking it personally.
We used some other profiles and tools to help us understand ourselves and each other better. It made a tremendous difference for me and in our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, we have always had a great relationship, but now it was deeper. I understood him more and he understood me more.
One of the traits of a successful marriage that is coming out in the interviews that I am conducting is the significance of truly getting to know your partner before the wedding. It is important that you dig deep and understand as much about the other person as you can. Talk about the important subjects; do you want children, do you want a large family, what does that mean to you, how do you feel about religion, from a religious perspective – how do you want to raise your children, what are your views on discipline? There are many more areas that you might want to explore with each other.
One of the couples that I interviewed said that they spent some time visiting about whether or not there was something in the other person’s personality that they couldn’t live with forever. As they explored this, she was able to realize that a slight change in action on her part would totally eliminate the one thing that would potentially bother him. Additionally, he had a suggestion as to how they could work around it. Ultimately, she analyzed herself to determine if this was just a habit or part of her character. She determined that it was not part of her character and making a small adjustment to her routines completely eliminated the potential issue.
The point here, though, is that they took the time to really look at each other and work with one another to make the marriage more successful.
Throughout the course of this series I am going to provide you with some links to reading material that might help you in your relationship, whether you are in one now or will be in the future.
In the short run, I am going to put Wired Wednesday on hold and combine it with Thrifty Thursday. On Thursdays I will either do a thrift project or a jewelry project. I am going to let Wednesday determine itself. If I have something additional I need to share with you on the project that week, then there will be a Wednesday post. Otherwise, we will skip Wednesday. This will free up a little more time for me to work on the book. My goal is to have it written by June or July.
I would love to hear your thoughts on all of this. I write for myself, but I also write for you. Let me know what you think.